I think i sorta joined a cult last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
