He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
