also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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