Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
