i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is my gift to your gina
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
