It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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