I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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