WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
