i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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