We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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