oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
