This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
