Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
