got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
