You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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