is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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