i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
