he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
