pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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