In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
