His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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