Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize