took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
