I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
