So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
