The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
