i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
