so explain again why im purple
no
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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