Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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