its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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