this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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