Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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