So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
