it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
