So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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