in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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