and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
