I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
