i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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