Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
