i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
