I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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