I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
