i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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