tell your sister to shave her snatch
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
