Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize