he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
