Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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