Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
