you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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