It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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