Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
