There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
