So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
