those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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