You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
