Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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