I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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