i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
